Year in review

With the New Year I did a sort of year in review. I initially looked at my weight loss and was pretty disheartened when I discovered throughout the entire year of 2010 from January to December I lost a total of 8 pounds! At one point this year I had reached the 90 pound weight loss mark only to gain some back.  The year prior I had lost 60 pounds and to only lose 8 pounds following that  honestly really made me want to just say "screw it all!!" 

I had signed up and participated in my personal trainer's holiday boot camp in effort to get me back on track and keep me more accountable in my workout consistency.  It was a great 7 week program, 3 times a week and I always left sweaty and feeling like I had a great workout.  My final weigh-in for the boot camp however did not produce the results I was hoping for, not only showed a weight gain on the scale but also a gain of 8 inches!! 

In the spirit of staying positive I had to look at what else I accomplished in 2010. I ran and finished 4 5K's, one 2 miler, and a half marathon!! Not only that but I have also dropped 2 jean sizes, and only lost a total of 8 pounds!!  Almost just as important though is that my journey has inspired others around me to start or continue their own weight loss/health journey. 

The last half of 2010 was such a struggle with the passing of my grandmother, family illnesses, not to mention my own illnesses. What I can say though is I didn't give up. Yes I wanted to quit, yes I slacked off, yes I beat myself up, yes I felt like a failure BUT I didn't quit, I never failed, and I can't go back and change what I didn't do. 

A friend who has recently embarked on her own weight loss journey (and might I say she is totally kicking butt) brought out her old jeans to show just how much progress she has made. So I dug through my closet and pulled out my old jeans I was saving for the time when I get super skinny and I can do the "biggest loser weight loss fat pants, skinny body" reveal!  I put them on and it really opened my eyes to everything I have accomplished these past 2 years.  It surprised me that putting the pants on physically not only showed me my weight loss but it showed me my mental progress too.  Almost like putting on my old fat pants was like momentarily, mentally putting back on the 68 pounds and re-inserting the "fat girl" personality. 

This past year I think was a lot of personal discovery for me.  The first year in my weight loss I spent  most of my time establishing the habit of working out and working hard.  After the solidification of the habit then it was getting the rest of me in order.  Growing up always being the tall, fat girl I had to change my mindset.  I can still be Emily without the personification of the "fat girl".  I had to convince myself it was ok to not be the "fat girl" anymore, and had to have a sort of parting of ways between the fat girl and the new me I am discovering.  I have no pictures, physical or mental of what I, as an adult, would look like in a smaller size (except I know I would be ridiculously good looking :) )  So I had to work beyond my fear of the unknown and just keep working.

So what about 2011... Well, the numbers results of 2010 were nothing astronomical in the progress of my discovery.  But the things I learned and am learning about myself can not be quantified.  I think 2011 is going to be a bringing together of my dedication to exercise and strength to keep discovering who I am and begin bringing in nutrition as I know that is an integral piece of the puzzle.  I can't help but be giddy when I think of what is to come.  I am learning through this process, even though it has taken quite a bit of time, the finish line or ultimate weight loss goal, is not what matters but it is the journey and the lessons learned in between the start and finish.  

The Best is Yet to Come!!!