True Confession Time!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         I suck when it comes to eating healthy!   I did really well for a while on follow the eat clean diet until I went on vacation.   Since I have come back though I can not seem to get myself motivated to jump back on board. In addition I have also seem to have lost motivation to really push myself with working out.

If it weren't for boot camp and my friends encouraging me to keep going I really have felt the urge to quit all together.  Because I am not giving myself 100% the scale is at a stand still which is frustrating me.  I do have to admit though part of my not giving diet and exercise as much of a commitment as I have had before is because I do have a really special guy in my life whom I like to spend my extra time with :)

The eating part always has been a struggle for me.  Portion control is a concept I have a hard time grasping, and usually do okay if I portion things out individually.  If I go out to eat though or eat family style the concept of portions seem ridiculous and makes me feel even more hungry thinking about what food I might miss out on because my portions won't allow me to eat it all.

                                                                                                                                                                      I have been eating out a lot more too.  Partly due to the new man in my life.  I can't blame him for it though because there are always healthier choices to chose.  Also I could chose to eat the lunch I brought to work instead of running to one of the many near by fast food joints for a fat laden, processed meat, throw some lettuce on it and call it healthy, lunch!!

I have so many goals that I want to accomplish this year with my life and so far I have not made progress in achieving them.  I find myself still struggling with finding who I am outside of being the "fat girl".  I guess I still am afraid that by losing more weight I will become someone different than who I am.  In as much as I don't want to fail at this, I am scared to succeed too.  Always being the "fat girl" I know nothing else, so any progress made forward from here on out, I will be charting unknown territory.

I had a good talk with my friend and workout partner tonight after boot camp about my struggles.  She and I both know I can do a lot better than what I am doing currently.  I am the only one who can change it.  In as much as I can put the frustration back on my personal trainer, health issues, boyfriend, food, it all boils down to my perception and my reaction to it all.  So what am I gonna do about it??

We all fall down and run into obstacles in the road... its the getting up that counts.  So I am getting back up again.  I might be a little more bumped and bruised, but I am brushing off the dirt and tears and moving forward.  I can not fix or take back the missed workouts or bad meals, I can just move on.  One step at a time.  This time I feel I am developing a good group of people around me that will help motivate, encourage and help me be more accountable.  I want to reach my goals and even though it might take me longer than I anticipated I am not giving up!