diet is just die with a " t "!

I have known for quite a while that I needed to get my eating on some sort of track.  I make relatively healthy choices but portion control is something I don't have a good grasp on.  I am a sucker for sugar too, as you can tell by my earlier posts and the subsequent failure to comply posts :).  My problem is I don't want to go on a "diet".  As a former fat girl the word "diet" meant eating nothing, cutting out main food groups or only eating one kind of food!


I know everyone has their own idea of what diet works... trust me, over the past 2 years of my journey I have heard that I need to do this diet or that diet, cut this out or put this back in blah blah blah!!  I am not out for a quick fix, obviously, I am looking to make my life healthier! Which means whatever nutrition plan I am choosing has to be sustainable for the rest of my life.  No injecting myself with hormones, only eating 500 calories a day, or cutting out carbs. 

I think over the past couple of weeks my google investigation skills were put to use.  Searching pro's and con's of different diet and eating plans.  Looking at research and results.  Ultimately though, there is only so much searching and investigation before you have to just make a plan and jump in.   So this weekend I made a plan, went grocery shopping and today was day 1.  In the same concept that I am on a weight loss 'journey' not an exercise plan, I chose not to call this a "diet" but more a nutrition plan. 

I currently have decided on a pretty much all natural, back to basics nutrition.  Fruits and veggies, with beans, nuts and lean meats.  No processed foods, breads or pastas and no added sugar.  I already concluded that I wanted to cut out excess sugars and I have read and heard more and more about gluten intolerance.  I am by no means an expert about any of this stuff but with having personal gastrointestinal issues myself I thought it wouldn't hurt to try.  So here goes nothing!!

I chose a 21 day nutrition plan but modified it to fit my lifestyle.  I consider myself a relatively busy person with a full time job, workouts at least 5 evenings a week and also active in my church.  I find it easier to use my weekends to power cook, cook enough food to last me the entire week, so I don't have to worry about what to eat and I have one less excuse to not go out to eat.  So instead of a 21 day nutrition plan I am converting it to 21 weeks.  That way I can purchase and cook a multiplied recipe of a meal to last the entire week instead of 42 separate meals.

So this week my meals consist of:
quinoa, blueberries and peanut butter for breakfast,
10 almonds and pear for snack,
lamb lettuce wraps with plain Greek yogurt for lunch,
10 sugar snap peas and apple for snack, 
Salad with black beans and real guacamole for dinner,
10 grapes for snack.

I survived day one... the no sugar part is really hard right now.  I didn't get coffee because I can't drink it without sugar.  I saw a commercial for caramel Hershey's kisses while eating my lunch and I felt like I wanted jump through the tv and get one.  I found out I don't like sugar snap peas.  Something about the texture and taste I don't like, but I have 50 of them left for the rest of the week so I will just suck it up and eat them. :)  So far I have enjoyed everything else. The lettuce wraps are really good, and surprisingly enough, breakfast is really tasty too! 

I can tell my portion control had been way out of whack.  I scheduled to eat my meals and snacks 2 and a half hours apart and I kept checking the clock to see if it was time to eat again!  It is nice though to have a plan I can stick with instead of just cooking a bunch of whatever and putting it in the freezer.  I know my body will soon adjust to the portion sizes and it won't be so bad.  I am going to give this nutrition plan 4 weeks then re-evaluate from there.  I am really excited to begin this next step on my journey and look forward to the rewards and benefits of filling my body with more whole nutritious foods.

Year in review

With the New Year I did a sort of year in review. I initially looked at my weight loss and was pretty disheartened when I discovered throughout the entire year of 2010 from January to December I lost a total of 8 pounds! At one point this year I had reached the 90 pound weight loss mark only to gain some back.  The year prior I had lost 60 pounds and to only lose 8 pounds following that  honestly really made me want to just say "screw it all!!" 

I had signed up and participated in my personal trainer's holiday boot camp in effort to get me back on track and keep me more accountable in my workout consistency.  It was a great 7 week program, 3 times a week and I always left sweaty and feeling like I had a great workout.  My final weigh-in for the boot camp however did not produce the results I was hoping for, not only showed a weight gain on the scale but also a gain of 8 inches!! 

In the spirit of staying positive I had to look at what else I accomplished in 2010. I ran and finished 4 5K's, one 2 miler, and a half marathon!! Not only that but I have also dropped 2 jean sizes, and only lost a total of 8 pounds!!  Almost just as important though is that my journey has inspired others around me to start or continue their own weight loss/health journey. 

The last half of 2010 was such a struggle with the passing of my grandmother, family illnesses, not to mention my own illnesses. What I can say though is I didn't give up. Yes I wanted to quit, yes I slacked off, yes I beat myself up, yes I felt like a failure BUT I didn't quit, I never failed, and I can't go back and change what I didn't do. 

A friend who has recently embarked on her own weight loss journey (and might I say she is totally kicking butt) brought out her old jeans to show just how much progress she has made. So I dug through my closet and pulled out my old jeans I was saving for the time when I get super skinny and I can do the "biggest loser weight loss fat pants, skinny body" reveal!  I put them on and it really opened my eyes to everything I have accomplished these past 2 years.  It surprised me that putting the pants on physically not only showed me my weight loss but it showed me my mental progress too.  Almost like putting on my old fat pants was like momentarily, mentally putting back on the 68 pounds and re-inserting the "fat girl" personality. 

This past year I think was a lot of personal discovery for me.  The first year in my weight loss I spent  most of my time establishing the habit of working out and working hard.  After the solidification of the habit then it was getting the rest of me in order.  Growing up always being the tall, fat girl I had to change my mindset.  I can still be Emily without the personification of the "fat girl".  I had to convince myself it was ok to not be the "fat girl" anymore, and had to have a sort of parting of ways between the fat girl and the new me I am discovering.  I have no pictures, physical or mental of what I, as an adult, would look like in a smaller size (except I know I would be ridiculously good looking :) )  So I had to work beyond my fear of the unknown and just keep working.

So what about 2011... Well, the numbers results of 2010 were nothing astronomical in the progress of my discovery.  But the things I learned and am learning about myself can not be quantified.  I think 2011 is going to be a bringing together of my dedication to exercise and strength to keep discovering who I am and begin bringing in nutrition as I know that is an integral piece of the puzzle.  I can't help but be giddy when I think of what is to come.  I am learning through this process, even though it has taken quite a bit of time, the finish line or ultimate weight loss goal, is not what matters but it is the journey and the lessons learned in between the start and finish.  

The Best is Yet to Come!!!

Did I get on the wrong wagon?!?!

So I haven't updated in quite a while... not that there hasn't been anything to update on!  As I have reflected these past 3 months it has been a whirl wind and it makes me think "what have I been doing?!".

In a nutshell back in October when I ran the Tails and Trails 5K I was hit on the eyelid by a bug or something.  When I brushed it off I felt a small stinging sensation but didn't think too much about it, after all I was running in a race.  As the week following progressed my right eye began to swell where the bug hit me and I soon looked like I had been in a big ol fight!

It took 10 weeks but finally after 4 doctors, multiple antibiotics, steroids, and ointments and I finally have my eyelids back to normal! They never fully concluded if it was the bug that caused all the mayhem but was told it was a stubborn case of  blepharitis and staph infection.

Because of being on all the medications, steroids, lack of exercise and crappy eating, I ended up gaining around 20 pounds!  Not what I wanted to do.  After all I was on track to try and get to my 100 pound weight loss goal by January 1, 2011.  I felt like I had gotten on the wrong bandwagon and didn't know it!  Isn't my weight and health suppose to be getting better not worse?!?!

I knew I wasn't going to reach my weight loss goal by the end of the year and the whole no sugar thing... well that went out the window real quick!  Yes I admit it, I am addicted to sugar!!  So I had to sit down a re-group.  I have invested so much emotionally this past year in my weight loss and after hitting a plateau and now weight gain I was feeling pretty down on myself.  After losing almost 60 pounds the first year I started losing weight, to now spending the entire second year working hard and managing to lose 30 only to gain 20 back it was hard for me.

BUT I had to look at more numbers than just the number on the scale.  I was still consistently loosing inches.  After gaining 10 pounds in one month my personal trainer still measured a 2 inch loss in my waist.  I have gone down 2 almost 3 pants sizes and I can tell I am gaining muscle mass and tone.  So honestly all was not lost.  I had to start looking at my numbers differently.  Its not just about the number on the scale.

November 20th I began participating in my personal trainers boot camp.  We workout 3 days a week for an hour, we sweat our butts off and work hard.  In addition, one day a week I workout personally with my trainer one on one.  So I am getting 4 days of hard workouts in.  It would be so incredible to say I lost a ton of weight starting this but then I'd be a liar.  But for the first time this week after we started the scale moved in a direction that I liked... in 5 weeks of boot camp and getting my diet back on track (not quite back to the no sugar yet though :)) I lost 3 pounds this week!!

I am getting back on the right wagon... no more pitty party, I feel bad for myself, I'm a failure blah blah blah.  I am starting off 2011 strong.  I can not compare 2010 results to my 2009 results nor will I look back on 2010 and have it dampen my 2011 expectations!  I am stronger than I think I am, I have accomplished more than most people dream, and I am not finished!!!  The best is yet to come!!

Now you all have to keep me accountable... I will be coming up with my goals for 2011 and no matter what, I will always strive to do my best to look for the positive in my situations.  I have started studying for my ACSM personal training certification and am looking forward to what the future brings.  Lets all start today in making 2011 better than 2010!

Plateau?!

Ahhh the dreaded plateau... the frustrating number on the scale that hasn't moved in the past few months.  When I initially started out I thought it would be amazing to reach 250 pounds.  After starting at 329 it just seemed like a good number to shoot for.  So now I am 249 and stuck! :)

I shouldn't be beating myself up so much since I have lost inches and have gone down a pant size even though the number hasn't changed.  But every time I get on the scale the number doesn't change.  Although 2 weeks ago the scale showed a 10 pound weight loss until I realized my battery in my scale was dieing and after replacing it I was back at 249! :)  

I was discussing my frustration about my lack of weight loss with my personal trainer 2 weeks ago.  Even though I have come so far and losing 80 pounds I am having a hard time losing more weight.  Mentally, I can not even imagine what I would look like losing more weight.  I am at the point where I am the same size I was my freshman year of high school!  So in my mind I don't have an image of me being smaller.  She suggested I create goals to try and achieve to help motivate me.  I still haven't completed my list but I have divided my goals up into weekly, monthly and long term goals.

My weekly goals are
Weekly
  workout after work before watching tv or internet
  workout a minimum of 30 minutes
  no snacking between meals
  no added sugar
  be positive

Monthly
  Lose 10 pounds
  create a vision board of what I want to achieve
  Read a positive/motivational book
  Try a new workout
  buy now goal jeans

Long term
  under 200 pounds
  run 5k under 30 minutes

I have to come up with some more long term goals but this is getting me started to try and get my mindset changed and get me off this plateau!

Tails n Trails

Saturday 10/9/10 I participated in a local 5k benefiting our humane society. Last year I ran the race too however this year it was at a different location. This year was the second year for the race so I can proudly say I have consecutively ran in every tails and trails 5k ;).

It was so much fun to be in this race. Not only was it a 5k but they also had a 15k and dog walk. There were dogs and people everywhere!

I made it my goal to try and finish the race under 40 minutes. I have been averaging 12 to 13 minute miles on my running during the week so it was feasible to reach my goal. Also I had 3 of my co-workers walking in the dog walk and my personal trainer was doing the 5k, so I felt extra pressure to do well.

This was my first trail run. I had no idea what to expect but didn't imagine it would be much more difficult than my normal running I do on pavement. Maybe I was just being naive. They explained before the race that the 5k route we were running is the exact track laid out for our local high school cross country sectional meet.

The race began and we all took off across a huge open field. It really surprised me how different it felt to run on grass as opposed to my normal runs on pavement. And when we switched to gravel/trails it really proved to be more of a challenge than I expected.

There was this steep hill we had to run down and it scared me that I was going to fall but I didn't thank goodness. However, I was unaware later in the race I was going to be running back up that same hill!

As I was nearing the last mile another large hill was in the course. I could see the grass hill and knew I had to get up it but in my mind I was thinking I can't do it. Then I gave myself a little pep talk. I have accomplished so much so far in my journey one stinkin hill isn't me. Each step up the hill I just reminded myself how far I have really come. By the time I reached the top, I wanted to do the victory dance I was so proud. Not only did I make it up the hill, I also finally saw a bit of the strength I had inside me, I didn't think was there.

I finished the race in just under 42 minutes. I didn't meet my time goal but i didn't care so much. This race was proof to myself that I can accomplish more than I think I can... Including running up big ol stinkin hills!!!

Sugar Day 8

Today is day 8 of my no sugar quest!  Some days are better than others.  I ran a 5K Saturday and had a Gatorade, I didn't even think about to check the sugar until after I drank the whole thing! Sunday at dinner with the family I enjoyed myself a slice of pumpkin pie.  But its all good... I have not given up and I am plugging away. 

Friday I had a conversation with a group of people that kind of opened my eyes.  I was discussing my attempt to cut sugar out of my diet.  One person sitting at the table began to say how they also try to not eat sugar in their diet. In the meantime they are sitting there eating a piece of apple pie!  One of the other people sitting with me at the table brought up the fact that this person was eating the piece of pie and they excused eating the pie as ok because it was mostly fruit!

Its is amazing to me to how much we will make excuses to make ourselves feel better about our bad choices.  The pie is mostly fruit, I will work harder in exchange for eating crappy!  FOR REAL?!?!  Why don't we just say how it is, I ate the pie because I wanted to eat it, I am not really going to work harder I just want to make myself feel better now about eating crappy.  

Honesty I have struggled with making the right choices when I am alone because, I am alone. I know the right choices to make but I have that little voice in the back of my head telling me, it is ok to eat something because no one is there to see me... the only problem with that is, I am only hurting myself!!  Yes, I don't have the accountability when I am by myself but it is not about doing the right thing only when people are there to critique what I do.  It is what I do when no one is watching me when I am truly learning my lesson.  It is ok to eat something off every now and again, just don't let it become an every day occurrence, deal with your decisions and don't let it hold you back from continuing on with your journey!  

2 years! What?!

Today is a day of celebration!! It has been 2 years since I decided to make my health a priority. I was no longer going to be the fat girl... Oh my, how much I have learned in these past two years. I learned how to have effective workouts, what I should and shouldn't eat but most of all learned so much about myself.

It is more than just a number on the scale, it is about the change in you head. Growing up always being the big girl, I had to start thinking of myself differently. I have learned just how strong I can be. How many times do people jump on the bandwagon only to have crash and burned later down the road. I have continued on this journey for 2 years and will continue for the rest of my life. A friend of mine recently pointed out to me the fact that I have the strength to lose this weigh is evidence of just how strong my will power is. In addition, the strength I have inside to improve my health also shows that I have the strength to improve other, non-health related, areas in my life.

I am succeeding in proving that even though I have lived most of my life with a weight issue I don't have to finish my life with a weight issue. Growing up I listened to the negative "I can't" voice in my head giving every excuse to not live life to my potential. However to go from saying "I can't" to "I can" is the mind shift that changes the world. We all have limitations and things we are not good at, but to do what we can do is the baby steps that brings you to your goals.

When I started my journey I could have easily said "I can't do a half marathon", and I believed that. But I had to say, "I can walk a mile" after I did that it brought me to say "I can participate in a race" which in turn led to "I can run a 5K" which eventually got me to "I can do a half marathon!". How much greater potential would we all have if we just stopped saying I can't and focused on what we can do!

Below I am sharing my photo time line I started 2 years ago, up the my most current picture. The pictures below are a visual representation of what "can" can do!! :)

Day 3

I survived another day! ;) It seemed to be easier to resist the candy and pop temptations today. Could be that there was less stress in my day but I wanna think I am getting stronger in my will power.

Today my oatmeal, which I normally put honey and craisens in, tasted a little better than wall paper paste and actually not too bad. I am even proud of myself and have not ate a reeces pumpkin! I know it is only day 3 of my no sugar adventure but I am starting to see this might actually be something to help me break this plateau I am on.



I am going to stick my flag in the ground today and declare to all you reading this blog my next goal. I have been stuck in the 10 pound rut fluctuating between 80 - 90 pounds lost since May. Although my body has continued to change and have lost multiple inches, it is time for me to get focused again. I am making it my goal that I will lose 100 pounds before January 1, 2011! Which currently means I will need to lose 14 pounds to reach my goal. Totally achievable, so I also challenge you to set your own personal goal to reach by January 1... who said resolutions had to start on January 1 anyways!! :)

Day 2

Ok, so today I seriously contemplated my sanity today with my no sugar challenge. Today was quarter end close at work, which causes extra stress because all work needs to be complete by 5 pm. Not to mention, now withdraw is setting in and I have a heighten sense of awareness of every sugar laden food in my general vicinity! :)

I did manage to make it through the work day without adding extra sugar to my foods. One of my coworkers gave me a picture today of us when we did the march of dimes walk a little over a year and a half ago. The picture was taken after I had already reached 30 pounds lost. It blew me away to see that picture and prove to myself that I have come a long way. I kept looking at that picture all day as motivation to keep my head in the game.



True confession time though... I did however eat a reeces pumpkin tonight after dinner, but it is not the end of the world.

Overall I rate today a 8 out of 10. I am slowly learning I am stronger than I think I am. I choose to make decisions to further my health and strength. I might mess up but there is no failure when quitting is not an option!

What?! No Sugar!

So I have been planning for a bit now to try and cut out excess sugar from my diet. I always hear about how extra sugar, high fructose corn syrup, and artificial sugars are bad for us. Stuff about it messing with your blood sugar levels and also causing your body to crave more sugar and so on. So I decided today 10/4/10 was going to be my first day without adding excess sugar to my diet. That meant no sugar in my coffee or tea, and no honey in my morning oatmeal. I am also trying to limit my sugars in packaged foods to 10g of sugar per package.

I have heard warnings that when you cut sugar your body goes through withdraw period where you are irritable but once you get past the first few days your body will adjust. Now I am not one to jump on any bandwagon for fad diets where you cut out all carbs, starve yourself and/or inject your body with hormones all just to look better in a pair of jeans. If you are looking for a quick fix to the mess of being overweight you are never going to learn and I pretty much guarantee the weight will not stay off in the long term. I know it is cliche but come on people, you didn't get fat overnight, your not going to get thin overnight. But I digress :)

When I heard about cutting the sugar out of my diet I thought, "oh that would be easy", Ya right!! After studying labels and examining my diet I realized I had a lot of excess sugar in my diet. A packet of sugar in my coffee or tea, a tablespoon on my oatmeal, heck there is even 19g of sugar in my yogurt!! Not to even mention the blatant sugars I consume in skinny cow ice cream, chick-fil-a sweet tea and the occasional chocolate bar or candy. So I made the decision, I was going to cut out all excess sugars see what happens.

So what happened... I get to work this morning and there is no regular coffee in the entire building, only decaf. Not so much of a big deal because I have green tea in my desk so I drank tea all day. Then the computer system I work on had an "upgrade" done to it this weekend, however our obsolete computers were not able to handle all the updates so our view screen only showed a 1x6 inch rectangular crosssection of the page and all the sorting functions were wacky too! So first day was not the greatest, but I survived, I resisted the jolly ranchers, reeces pumpkins and tootsie rolls, and fought off the urge to buy a cherry coke out of the vending machine. I did however make a peanut butter fluff sandwich for my 4 pm meal. :( But the marshmallow fluff is now gone and so I will not have that in the house anymore.

Day one, I rate 6 out of 10 overall... Lets see what the next few days of withdraw will bring :) haha wish me luck all!!