Can I really do this?

I am always looking for new podcasts and one day I came across one podcast called The strength coach podcast. This is a few guys giving advice to other strength coaches and personal trainers about how to improve different screening techniques and so forth for mainly athletes. Honesty I had no idea what almost all the stuff these guys were talking about, I mean, who the heck has ever heard of a turkish get-up or a movement screen?! Not me! Even though I barely understood their lingo I continued to listen and get inspired.

I started becoming interested in looking for a personal trainer but from what I heard it is expensive to get a personal trainer. I looked at the different gyms in town. Not that there were a plethora to look at, I can count the gyms in town on both hands!! Gyms however, scared me. Just like races, my mental image of a gym was skinny people looking judgmentally at the fat people trying to workout and meat heads hogging the mirror in the weight room. The more I thought about it the more I really wanted to look into a personal trainer. So I googled personal trainers in my local area.

The first site that came up was this total meat head guy who used to do body building and had a totally gross picture of him all muscled out and unnaturally shiny. Definitely a NO. The next site I went to though was a nice looking site. It was a girl who worked mainly with women and she actually had her rates posted on her website. So I sent a e-mail though the website asking about the gym and what kind of training she does.

Surprisingly, I received a e-mail the next day answering my questions and inviting me for a free assessment. So I though, I could go for the free assessment and first session and if I am not comfortable or don't like it I will just not commit to it or only do it for a little bit then quit. The thing I liked the most was she worked out of a personal training studio so the only people who were in there were either being trained or were the trainer. She also gave you an eating plan to help get a healthy diet established. So I decided to jump in.

I was so scared I could not continue on the journey I had started without further motivation. Sure I had signed up for 5K in July, but you always hear stories of people losing 30, 40 or even 50 pounds then falling off the wagon and gaining all the weight back plus some. I don't want to be one of those people. I did not want to be the 'typical' American who can only stick with something until it becomes an inconvenience and then it goes out the window. So maybe if it was a good deal I could get a personal trainer and I could really do it and finally not be the fat girl.

The day of my assessment I was so freaked out. Here I was, this fat girl, going to a personal trainer, whom I have never met, not knowing what or who I was going to find. I get to the studio and a petite, toned girl greeted me and introduced herself as Amanda, the trainer. She appeared to be a few years older than me so that was a little more reassuring to me, I don't really know why though :). So she took me to this small office area and we started the assessment.

She sat me down and started asking me questions, why I was there, what I was looking for, what kind of goals I had. Seriously?!?! I had no idea any of the answers, I just don't want to be fat and she wants specific goals! Oh boy, what did it get myself into! I finally gave her some goals I wanted... I want to be able to fit into clothes not purchased in the plus size section of the store. I want to be able to run a mile without stopping to walk. Then we moved on to weight and measurements, the part I was so dreading. Here I was already insecure about my size and you have to go and really tell me how fat I am, Great!! I don't remember all my measurements but my starting weight, with all my clothes and shoes on was 300 pounds. She then sat me back down and went over a strategy on how she can help me and I was so in! Partly because I felt bad about how big I was and because she had a plan to help me. So I wrote the check and signed up for my first month of training... my first session was going to be on June 30, 2009.

Hog Jog

So the butt crack of dawn I woke up on June 20, 2009 to go do something I have never done, participate in a race. I signed up fulling intending on having some of my co-workers join me but situations came up and I was going to do it on my own. It was so tempting to not go or just go, pick up my t-shirt and leave. Despite me apprehensions I got into my car and drove to the race.

When I got to the park where the race was to happen there were a lot more people than I expected! This is just a small town in Indiana but I guess the Hog Jog is a pretty well known race in our area. And of course the first few people I saw where the skinny runners with the tights and tank tops running around the park. I thought to myself "DUDE these people are crazy, the race hasn't even started! Why the heck are these people running already?!" I started getting more and more nervous as I got in line for registration.

There were so many people it seemed. I felt strange, mainly out of my own insecurities and my judgment of myself for being the "fat girl" at a race. After I picked up my totally awesome pink hog jog shirt, race chip, and number I walked back to my car to put all the race material in my car and to put the chip on my shoe. In the back of my head I kept thinking of ways I could not do the race. But I went there to accomplish something and I was going to do it. No matter how scared or awkward I felt I needed to do this race.

As I walked back to the park I wandered around looking at the different people. I began to notice not everyone was my stereotypical image of a runner. There were all different ages and sizes. Some people were decked out in the running gear and I saw some people wearing jeans! But most people were just normal looking, t-shirt and shorts. I saw this older couple about my parents age, mid to later 50's standing around waiting for the race to start. I struck up a conversation with the lady (for the life of me I wish I could remember her name but it seems to escape me) and I told her it was my first race. She had done a few races but she was a walk/jogger and not a runner. Since I had built my "running" up to about a minute I figured I was in the same walk/jog category.

The announcement was made to start heading up to the starting line. I decided to stand go where the lady I was talking to went. She said she found the best place for her was in the back of the running group, on the outside, just before the walking group. As we stood there waiting to start they began making the "thanks for coming" speech and before I knew it the gun went off and we were off.

I ran to try and keep up with my new friend but quickly found myself out of breath and slowed down to walk. I continued my jog/walk routine throughout the race. This was a crazy experience! I ended up passing a small group of people who where pushing an elderly lady in a wheelchair. Then I was passed by "lamaze" breathing speed walkers :). There were kids running, people walking with strollers, teenagers in jeans, and grandparents. As we came through the town there were people sitting on their front porch and out on the lawn in chairs cheering for the participants and talking to the people they knew in the race. This was not my expectation of a race, this is so much better! We went through town and the police and volunteers cheered for you and gave a friendly smile and wave as you passed by. Before I knew it the race was almost finished.

As I rounded the last corner I could see ahead the finish line. It was a welcome sight, I was so excited and exhausted to finally see the finish. Even though it was 2 mile race it seemed to be a lot longer! Mainly because I didn't really train for ground running only running on the treadmill :). As I approached the finish line my new friend was standing on the side waiting for her husband. She cheered for me and encouraged me to run to the finish. I felt a final serge of energy and I ran to the finish line, 32 minutes!

I did it, this "fat girl" just completed a race!! I wasn't the first, and I wasn't the last!! But crossing that finish line with people cheering me on, I felt like a winner! My new friend took the picture below soon after I finished and I was so excited that you can see people still finishing behind me, showing I wasn't the last one!! I was on top of the world! I had accomplished something I never imagined I could do and I felt great, sweaty, but great! I think for the first time I experience the "runners high" and it was amazing!! I couldn't wait to find another race!

Motivation... how do I get it?!

After my 30 pound mile stone I did some reflection. When I started my weight loss it was just that, weight loss. I began to realize however that there needed to be something more to motivate me than "I don't want to be fat anymore".

I have had a weight problem from about elementary school forward (maybe I will go into further background in a later blog post). I have said for as many years as I have been the 'big girl', "I don't want to be fat anymore" but never did anything about it. What about this time is going to make it stick. Now that I was under 300 pounds I was getting comfortable again. My clothes weren't so tight anymore and I felt a lot better. Sure I was still fat, but I have always been the fat girl so I felt more comfortable in that role.

One of my team members a work started a March of Dimes group and most of my other team members joined in, as did I. It was exciting to be able to raise money for a good cause and at the end we all would be walking a 4 mile walk. So on April 24th 2009 I walked 4 miles. I ended up with some blisters on my feet from wearing crappy shoes but I walked away with a sense of accomplishment. 4 miles, even done slow, was still 4 more miles that I would have never done 7 months ago. This planted a seed to do more.

Many of my podcasts I listened to talked about running different races. I had no idea what the heck a 5K was and figured it was 5 miles. What a relief it was when I discovered that a 5K was only 3.1 miles! On the call in podcast I listened to with Jonathan Roche there were women calling in who had completed different 5K's and other races and athletic events, they would go on and on about how wonderful of an experience it was.... Wait?! running in a race... can be fun??

In the back of my head I kept thinking of the 1 mile run we had to do in gym class like once a month. I always felt like a loser, I don't ever think I passed the mile under 15 minute rule. There would be kids finishing the mile by the time I finished 1 of the 3 laps needed to complete the mile. If I couldn't finish the mile under 15 minutes how could I finish 3.1 miles with competitive runners! Cause aren't all people who run in races super skinny, with legs a mile long and those super short shorts on?!

Despite all my apprehension about runners and races I decided to plant my flag in the ground. I signed up for a 2 mile race, in a town 30 miles away, called the Hog Jog. I figured it would help keep me stay motivated to train for the race, it was not in my own city, which somehow made me more comfortable with it :) and I just wanted the t-shirt that said "hog jog" on it!

Reward Yourself.

I heard time and time again on many of my podcast I listened to that in order to keep motivated you can set rewards for yourself once you meet a goal. I though of many ideas. Ice cream, pizza, new shoes, new outfit, tattoo :). I marked off the food rewards, even though I still wasn't eating the greatest I knew rewarding myself with food for losing a certain amount of weight was not the brightest idea. I thought about new shoes but they can be expensive and I already have a lot of shoes. A tattoo, kept going back and forth on it but decided to leave that reward for reaching a bigger goal. A new outfit, was a good idea but I was still thinking of other ideas. Finally dawned on me, I had been talking for a few weeks about needing my hair cut! I had my reward! Once I reached 30 pounds lost and under 300 pounds I was going to the salon and get my hair cut and colored!

During the Thanksgiving and Christmas I had gained 5 pounds. Although it bummed me I knew I needed to get back on track. Starting the intervals really jump started things and I was heading in the right direction again. I kept hitting little distractions along the way, birthdays, my sister's wedding. Finally it was heading toward the end of March and I hadn't met my goal! I had been working for 6 months and hadn't lost 30 pounds yet?! So I had to sit myself down and have a discussion with myself.

I am not a morning exerciser. When I wake up in the morning I need a shower and still don't wake up until about an hour after I get to work. I tried a few times and got up to workout but my body and mind didn't coordinate well and I felt like a bumbling fool trying to do my biggest loser videos in my living room at 6am. So I workout after work in the evenings. I made it a rule that I can't sit down, turn on the TV or computer until after I workout. I started to try and drink only water and not pop or even my beloved sweet tea from Chick-fil-a. I tried to put more random acts of fitness in my day, walking during my 15 minute breaks, parking in the parking spot furthest from the door, I even walked to the Target which is around the corner from my work for lunch.

March 31, 2009, was weigh in day. I was 302 pounds. I was hoping for at least a 2 pound loss just so I could be at 300. Lately though my weigh in number had only been half a pound here, then no weight loss, then one pound then no weight loss. So I wasn't sure what was going to happen. When I stepped on the scale it read 299! So I stepped off and back on again, 299. I moved the scale and stepped on again 299!! I had lost 30 pounds!! Yippee!!! :) I was so excited I went back to my desk and made my hair appointment that day to get my hair cut!

I finally felt I was making progress. My size 24 jeans which were super tight when I started were beginning to get baggy. I had ran for the first time on the treadmill and was working hard at increasing my stamina to run longer. And finally I had reached a milestone... 30 pounds lost and under 300 pounds!!

I can do that?!

I received my No Excuses system with the heart rate monitor just before Christmas but like most people, I wanted to start fresh January 1. Let me just say that was an incredibly stupid move on my part... not because I waited till then but because everyone else waits till then! In my small apartment workout room for the first month there was always someone on the machines. As a fat girl I was always self-conscious of what everyone thought of me so I wouldn't go to the gym if there were people in there. So pretty much for the month of January I did my workouts on my elliptical at home.

I started off kind of easy but I soon discovered if you do it correctly it is some hard work. With the heart rate monitor I would push it hard for 3 minutes to get my heart rate up to the designated heart rate zone then back off for 1 minute to let my heart rate go down. I would be ok for the first couple of intervals but as the intervals increased so did my heart rate goal!

Interval training with a heart rate monitor is a whole big equation of 220 subtract your age and blah blah blah, lucky for me the online website that I gained access to with the system figures it out for me and then scales the numbers up or down as to how 'dead' I feel after my workout. So I would start out with getting my heart rate up to 157 and by my 8th interval I was pushing to get it up to 172!

After a month or so I finally worked up the nerves to do my intervals on the treadmill. I was nervous because there was a sticker on the treadmill that blatantly stated up to 300 pound weight limit, and I weighed over that still. I got on it anyways! The intervals were different than the elliptical because I didn't have the resistance I only increased the speed. And at that point I had no idea that increasing the incline on the treadmill was basically adding resistance :). So I switched back and forth from a walk to speed walk until the last interval. I decided that I was going to increase the speed one more MPH for my last interval.

As I hit the 4 MPH on the treadmill and the belt slowly went faster I couldn't keep my walking pace and I started jogging! What?!?! I can run?!?! Then about 20 seconds into it I had to change the speed back down but I didn't care... I ran! This fat girl got her tushy moving fast enough to run!! You could have handed me $100 right there on the spot but I wouldn't of cared because I just ran! I felt more accomplishment in the 20 seconds of that workout than I did in the previous 35 or so minutes. From that point I decided I wanted to make it my goal to try and run an entire 3 minute interval without stopping. I don't know if you can get a runners high from just 20 seconds but I had a euphoric feeling that put me on top of the world... and I wanted to keep going!!

I'm diving in

So this post is out of chronological order from the events previously blogged about but I can't wait to write about my new adventure. I have decided to peruse a path in personal training! I received my study material for ACSM (American College of Sports Medicine) personal training yesterday via FedEx and I am so stinkin excited!! I don't plan on making personal training a full time job until I 'physically' look more like a personal trainer. I am going to pump my brain full of knowledge and hopefully I will be able to get training experience before officially becoming a personal trainer.

Although today at work I received some unsettling news about the uncertainty of my job security. Heck if I lose my job I could just pull my own biggest loser and workout for 8 hours a day, get super skinny and become a personal trainer by Christmas! Sounds good to me... who knows what will happen but all I can say is I am scared, excited, overwhelmed and anticipatory about the future... whatever it may be!

There's a podcast for that!

I work in an office and spend a large majority of my day sitting in front of the computer. I learned that listening to music and podcasts during work helped move the day faster. Almost all of the podcasts I listened to was food or religious related. It dawned on me one day to search for health and fitness related podcasts. I was so excited to see the plethora of fitness related podcasts. I am a nerd when it comes to learning new things and podcasts were just what I needed. My friends and co-workers can attest to my quest for learning and my willingness to share my new found knowledge :)

With the holidays, It would have been easy just to step off the wagon. When I found fitness podcasts it was just the catalyst I needed to keep motivated. There was such a variety of information that all had the common denominator, to inform people of trends, healthy living, and fitness.

Many of the podcasts during the holidays offered holiday survival tips to help you stay on your health quest. A lot of them focused on portion control and better food decisions. I always though I ate pretty healthy, my parents were nurses and my dad a diabetic, so the dinners my mom cooked were balanced and healthy for the most part. However, my big issue was portion control. So in my mind, I still felt I could eat whatever I wanted just as long as the portions where of reasonable size. As the holidays came, along with my mommy's delicious home cooking my weight loss slowed down, and since I did not want to change my food I just put that to the middle of my mind and kept working out in the front.

I had increased my workout time to almost 30 minutes but did not keep a consistent schedule. I knew I needed to do something different. I had bought a few biggest loser fitness DVDs which were nice but I still felt like I needed something else. I needed something to keep me more accountable than just a weekly weigh in.

One of the podcasts I listened to, "No excuses weight loss with Jonathan Roche" was an internet radio show where the host, Jonathan Roche, answered peoples questions about fitness and weight loss. As well as the show, there was an online forum and he had a fitness system. I loved the forum and online community and began to form relationships with the women who regularly posted. Jonathan promoted the benefits of interval training and the research showing that intervals burn 30% more fat. Finally, just before Christmas, I bought his system that included a heart rate monitor and online software to track all my workouts and weight. I hoped this was what I needed to improve my fitness and weight loss.

Then came exercise

I, like most people, had purchased a piece of exercise equipment years back fully intending to workout hardcore every day and lose 100 pounds in a month! You know because, that is how we all want to lose weight. So I got on my little elliptical machine and started away! 30 seconds later I was huffing and puffing already breaking a sweat! By the time 5 minutes had passed I felt like I was done. By 10 minutes I could have sworn I was dying! My chubby legs would not take another step, my t-shirt was pretty much saturated and I was hungry :). I had no idea I was so out of shape. I mean seriously?!?! 10 minutes! But I still had the fresh, go get em attitude... until the next day.

Every single muscle in my body hurt. My elliptical had the moving arms as well as peddles so it wasn't too much of a surprise when my arms were hurting as well as my legs but don't ask me how my hair follicles hurt! It was kind of pathetic, I even had to use the handicap stall at work because I needed the handles to hang on to so I could sit down and stand up! A simple sneeze would radiate through every single sore muscle causing a jolt of pain from my nose to my toes.

I was faithful to workout for the first week, and then the Tuesday weigh in came. I lost a whopping 1 pound! Yahoo, NOT! I killed myself like 3 times that week 10 minutes each time and only 1 pound!?! But I knew I couldn't stop yet, we had weigh in every Tuesday in my supervisors office. It was enough accountability to keep me going.

My roommate was a great help to keep me accountable too. She was a cheerleader in high school and was in good shape. Our apartment complex had a small workout room with a couple of treadmills, elliptical and exercise bikes. Every time she would go workout she would ask me if I wanted to join her. So I would tag along, while she ran on the treadmill, I sweated my butt off for 10 to 15 minutes on the recumbent bike then do some "stretching" until she finished. I wanted to be able to run on the treadmill just like her. I have always been fascinated with runners especially the ones with mile long legs who never seem to touch the ground. Even as a fat kid I would dream of being a skinny person running down the street. But I knew, I could barely ride a bike or use the elliptical I could never be a runner.

So I continued to workout, when ever it was convenient and eat whatever I wanted. After all I was working out so I could still eat my beloved Chick-fil-a, chicken egg and cheese bagel with hash browns and a large sweet tea every morning. Not to mention the assortment of chain fast food restaurants for lunch all of which were so conveniently located just down the road from my work. So conclusively I deducted, my working out would burn calories so with all my hard work I could reward myself with a pizza or taco or fried chicken, Right?

The Beginning

My journey began June 6, 2008; unbeknown to me. The day began with me tying up loose ends before heading on the road to Pittsburgh, PA to live with my fiance. It ended with me, still in Indiana, crying in my parents arms after he broke it off with me. It wasn't until October 2008 I decided I had to chose to begin living my life again.

My office decided to do a biggest loser challenge and I was quick to jump on board... my starting weight 329 pounds. I didn't want to lose weight by trying pills or potions because I know they don't work. I didn't want to start some fad diet or even change my eating because frankly, I love food. So I started exercising.