Did I get on the wrong wagon?!?!

So I haven't updated in quite a while... not that there hasn't been anything to update on!  As I have reflected these past 3 months it has been a whirl wind and it makes me think "what have I been doing?!".

In a nutshell back in October when I ran the Tails and Trails 5K I was hit on the eyelid by a bug or something.  When I brushed it off I felt a small stinging sensation but didn't think too much about it, after all I was running in a race.  As the week following progressed my right eye began to swell where the bug hit me and I soon looked like I had been in a big ol fight!

It took 10 weeks but finally after 4 doctors, multiple antibiotics, steroids, and ointments and I finally have my eyelids back to normal! They never fully concluded if it was the bug that caused all the mayhem but was told it was a stubborn case of  blepharitis and staph infection.

Because of being on all the medications, steroids, lack of exercise and crappy eating, I ended up gaining around 20 pounds!  Not what I wanted to do.  After all I was on track to try and get to my 100 pound weight loss goal by January 1, 2011.  I felt like I had gotten on the wrong bandwagon and didn't know it!  Isn't my weight and health suppose to be getting better not worse?!?!

I knew I wasn't going to reach my weight loss goal by the end of the year and the whole no sugar thing... well that went out the window real quick!  Yes I admit it, I am addicted to sugar!!  So I had to sit down a re-group.  I have invested so much emotionally this past year in my weight loss and after hitting a plateau and now weight gain I was feeling pretty down on myself.  After losing almost 60 pounds the first year I started losing weight, to now spending the entire second year working hard and managing to lose 30 only to gain 20 back it was hard for me.

BUT I had to look at more numbers than just the number on the scale.  I was still consistently loosing inches.  After gaining 10 pounds in one month my personal trainer still measured a 2 inch loss in my waist.  I have gone down 2 almost 3 pants sizes and I can tell I am gaining muscle mass and tone.  So honestly all was not lost.  I had to start looking at my numbers differently.  Its not just about the number on the scale.

November 20th I began participating in my personal trainers boot camp.  We workout 3 days a week for an hour, we sweat our butts off and work hard.  In addition, one day a week I workout personally with my trainer one on one.  So I am getting 4 days of hard workouts in.  It would be so incredible to say I lost a ton of weight starting this but then I'd be a liar.  But for the first time this week after we started the scale moved in a direction that I liked... in 5 weeks of boot camp and getting my diet back on track (not quite back to the no sugar yet though :)) I lost 3 pounds this week!!

I am getting back on the right wagon... no more pitty party, I feel bad for myself, I'm a failure blah blah blah.  I am starting off 2011 strong.  I can not compare 2010 results to my 2009 results nor will I look back on 2010 and have it dampen my 2011 expectations!  I am stronger than I think I am, I have accomplished more than most people dream, and I am not finished!!!  The best is yet to come!!

Now you all have to keep me accountable... I will be coming up with my goals for 2011 and no matter what, I will always strive to do my best to look for the positive in my situations.  I have started studying for my ACSM personal training certification and am looking forward to what the future brings.  Lets all start today in making 2011 better than 2010!

Plateau?!

Ahhh the dreaded plateau... the frustrating number on the scale that hasn't moved in the past few months.  When I initially started out I thought it would be amazing to reach 250 pounds.  After starting at 329 it just seemed like a good number to shoot for.  So now I am 249 and stuck! :)

I shouldn't be beating myself up so much since I have lost inches and have gone down a pant size even though the number hasn't changed.  But every time I get on the scale the number doesn't change.  Although 2 weeks ago the scale showed a 10 pound weight loss until I realized my battery in my scale was dieing and after replacing it I was back at 249! :)  

I was discussing my frustration about my lack of weight loss with my personal trainer 2 weeks ago.  Even though I have come so far and losing 80 pounds I am having a hard time losing more weight.  Mentally, I can not even imagine what I would look like losing more weight.  I am at the point where I am the same size I was my freshman year of high school!  So in my mind I don't have an image of me being smaller.  She suggested I create goals to try and achieve to help motivate me.  I still haven't completed my list but I have divided my goals up into weekly, monthly and long term goals.

My weekly goals are
Weekly
  workout after work before watching tv or internet
  workout a minimum of 30 minutes
  no snacking between meals
  no added sugar
  be positive

Monthly
  Lose 10 pounds
  create a vision board of what I want to achieve
  Read a positive/motivational book
  Try a new workout
  buy now goal jeans

Long term
  under 200 pounds
  run 5k under 30 minutes

I have to come up with some more long term goals but this is getting me started to try and get my mindset changed and get me off this plateau!

Tails n Trails

Saturday 10/9/10 I participated in a local 5k benefiting our humane society. Last year I ran the race too however this year it was at a different location. This year was the second year for the race so I can proudly say I have consecutively ran in every tails and trails 5k ;).

It was so much fun to be in this race. Not only was it a 5k but they also had a 15k and dog walk. There were dogs and people everywhere!

I made it my goal to try and finish the race under 40 minutes. I have been averaging 12 to 13 minute miles on my running during the week so it was feasible to reach my goal. Also I had 3 of my co-workers walking in the dog walk and my personal trainer was doing the 5k, so I felt extra pressure to do well.

This was my first trail run. I had no idea what to expect but didn't imagine it would be much more difficult than my normal running I do on pavement. Maybe I was just being naive. They explained before the race that the 5k route we were running is the exact track laid out for our local high school cross country sectional meet.

The race began and we all took off across a huge open field. It really surprised me how different it felt to run on grass as opposed to my normal runs on pavement. And when we switched to gravel/trails it really proved to be more of a challenge than I expected.

There was this steep hill we had to run down and it scared me that I was going to fall but I didn't thank goodness. However, I was unaware later in the race I was going to be running back up that same hill!

As I was nearing the last mile another large hill was in the course. I could see the grass hill and knew I had to get up it but in my mind I was thinking I can't do it. Then I gave myself a little pep talk. I have accomplished so much so far in my journey one stinkin hill isn't me. Each step up the hill I just reminded myself how far I have really come. By the time I reached the top, I wanted to do the victory dance I was so proud. Not only did I make it up the hill, I also finally saw a bit of the strength I had inside me, I didn't think was there.

I finished the race in just under 42 minutes. I didn't meet my time goal but i didn't care so much. This race was proof to myself that I can accomplish more than I think I can... Including running up big ol stinkin hills!!!

Sugar Day 8

Today is day 8 of my no sugar quest!  Some days are better than others.  I ran a 5K Saturday and had a Gatorade, I didn't even think about to check the sugar until after I drank the whole thing! Sunday at dinner with the family I enjoyed myself a slice of pumpkin pie.  But its all good... I have not given up and I am plugging away. 

Friday I had a conversation with a group of people that kind of opened my eyes.  I was discussing my attempt to cut sugar out of my diet.  One person sitting at the table began to say how they also try to not eat sugar in their diet. In the meantime they are sitting there eating a piece of apple pie!  One of the other people sitting with me at the table brought up the fact that this person was eating the piece of pie and they excused eating the pie as ok because it was mostly fruit!

Its is amazing to me to how much we will make excuses to make ourselves feel better about our bad choices.  The pie is mostly fruit, I will work harder in exchange for eating crappy!  FOR REAL?!?!  Why don't we just say how it is, I ate the pie because I wanted to eat it, I am not really going to work harder I just want to make myself feel better now about eating crappy.  

Honesty I have struggled with making the right choices when I am alone because, I am alone. I know the right choices to make but I have that little voice in the back of my head telling me, it is ok to eat something because no one is there to see me... the only problem with that is, I am only hurting myself!!  Yes, I don't have the accountability when I am by myself but it is not about doing the right thing only when people are there to critique what I do.  It is what I do when no one is watching me when I am truly learning my lesson.  It is ok to eat something off every now and again, just don't let it become an every day occurrence, deal with your decisions and don't let it hold you back from continuing on with your journey!  

2 years! What?!

Today is a day of celebration!! It has been 2 years since I decided to make my health a priority. I was no longer going to be the fat girl... Oh my, how much I have learned in these past two years. I learned how to have effective workouts, what I should and shouldn't eat but most of all learned so much about myself.

It is more than just a number on the scale, it is about the change in you head. Growing up always being the big girl, I had to start thinking of myself differently. I have learned just how strong I can be. How many times do people jump on the bandwagon only to have crash and burned later down the road. I have continued on this journey for 2 years and will continue for the rest of my life. A friend of mine recently pointed out to me the fact that I have the strength to lose this weigh is evidence of just how strong my will power is. In addition, the strength I have inside to improve my health also shows that I have the strength to improve other, non-health related, areas in my life.

I am succeeding in proving that even though I have lived most of my life with a weight issue I don't have to finish my life with a weight issue. Growing up I listened to the negative "I can't" voice in my head giving every excuse to not live life to my potential. However to go from saying "I can't" to "I can" is the mind shift that changes the world. We all have limitations and things we are not good at, but to do what we can do is the baby steps that brings you to your goals.

When I started my journey I could have easily said "I can't do a half marathon", and I believed that. But I had to say, "I can walk a mile" after I did that it brought me to say "I can participate in a race" which in turn led to "I can run a 5K" which eventually got me to "I can do a half marathon!". How much greater potential would we all have if we just stopped saying I can't and focused on what we can do!

Below I am sharing my photo time line I started 2 years ago, up the my most current picture. The pictures below are a visual representation of what "can" can do!! :)

Day 3

I survived another day! ;) It seemed to be easier to resist the candy and pop temptations today. Could be that there was less stress in my day but I wanna think I am getting stronger in my will power.

Today my oatmeal, which I normally put honey and craisens in, tasted a little better than wall paper paste and actually not too bad. I am even proud of myself and have not ate a reeces pumpkin! I know it is only day 3 of my no sugar adventure but I am starting to see this might actually be something to help me break this plateau I am on.



I am going to stick my flag in the ground today and declare to all you reading this blog my next goal. I have been stuck in the 10 pound rut fluctuating between 80 - 90 pounds lost since May. Although my body has continued to change and have lost multiple inches, it is time for me to get focused again. I am making it my goal that I will lose 100 pounds before January 1, 2011! Which currently means I will need to lose 14 pounds to reach my goal. Totally achievable, so I also challenge you to set your own personal goal to reach by January 1... who said resolutions had to start on January 1 anyways!! :)

Day 2

Ok, so today I seriously contemplated my sanity today with my no sugar challenge. Today was quarter end close at work, which causes extra stress because all work needs to be complete by 5 pm. Not to mention, now withdraw is setting in and I have a heighten sense of awareness of every sugar laden food in my general vicinity! :)

I did manage to make it through the work day without adding extra sugar to my foods. One of my coworkers gave me a picture today of us when we did the march of dimes walk a little over a year and a half ago. The picture was taken after I had already reached 30 pounds lost. It blew me away to see that picture and prove to myself that I have come a long way. I kept looking at that picture all day as motivation to keep my head in the game.



True confession time though... I did however eat a reeces pumpkin tonight after dinner, but it is not the end of the world.

Overall I rate today a 8 out of 10. I am slowly learning I am stronger than I think I am. I choose to make decisions to further my health and strength. I might mess up but there is no failure when quitting is not an option!

What?! No Sugar!

So I have been planning for a bit now to try and cut out excess sugar from my diet. I always hear about how extra sugar, high fructose corn syrup, and artificial sugars are bad for us. Stuff about it messing with your blood sugar levels and also causing your body to crave more sugar and so on. So I decided today 10/4/10 was going to be my first day without adding excess sugar to my diet. That meant no sugar in my coffee or tea, and no honey in my morning oatmeal. I am also trying to limit my sugars in packaged foods to 10g of sugar per package.

I have heard warnings that when you cut sugar your body goes through withdraw period where you are irritable but once you get past the first few days your body will adjust. Now I am not one to jump on any bandwagon for fad diets where you cut out all carbs, starve yourself and/or inject your body with hormones all just to look better in a pair of jeans. If you are looking for a quick fix to the mess of being overweight you are never going to learn and I pretty much guarantee the weight will not stay off in the long term. I know it is cliche but come on people, you didn't get fat overnight, your not going to get thin overnight. But I digress :)

When I heard about cutting the sugar out of my diet I thought, "oh that would be easy", Ya right!! After studying labels and examining my diet I realized I had a lot of excess sugar in my diet. A packet of sugar in my coffee or tea, a tablespoon on my oatmeal, heck there is even 19g of sugar in my yogurt!! Not to even mention the blatant sugars I consume in skinny cow ice cream, chick-fil-a sweet tea and the occasional chocolate bar or candy. So I made the decision, I was going to cut out all excess sugars see what happens.

So what happened... I get to work this morning and there is no regular coffee in the entire building, only decaf. Not so much of a big deal because I have green tea in my desk so I drank tea all day. Then the computer system I work on had an "upgrade" done to it this weekend, however our obsolete computers were not able to handle all the updates so our view screen only showed a 1x6 inch rectangular crosssection of the page and all the sorting functions were wacky too! So first day was not the greatest, but I survived, I resisted the jolly ranchers, reeces pumpkins and tootsie rolls, and fought off the urge to buy a cherry coke out of the vending machine. I did however make a peanut butter fluff sandwich for my 4 pm meal. :( But the marshmallow fluff is now gone and so I will not have that in the house anymore.

Day one, I rate 6 out of 10 overall... Lets see what the next few days of withdraw will bring :) haha wish me luck all!!

Hog Jog Take 2

June 19, 2010 I ran the Hog Jog for the second time. This year was fantastic! I tried convincing some friends to join me but none of them signed up so I was on my own again. I made it my goal to try and do the race in 28 minutes.

It was all so familiar to me as we milled around before the start of the race and once we go into the starting corral. But once the starting gun went off that is when it changed. It wasn't me being passed up by all the runners, I was keeping with the crowd! I knew I had to stick with my pre-set pace or else I would burn out before the end so I started my 3 minute run, 1 minute walk. I remembered the route from the year before and it was nice to see the people cheering us on from their lawn chairs and porches along the side of the road.

The race is one big square so when you get to the last turn you can see the finish. I kept track of my time but didn't know how close I was to beating last years time until I made the last turn. As I rounded the corner I could see the park ahead and I decided to run to the finish. I didn't look at my watch or anything around me, I wanted to run through the finish line. My legs wanted to quit before the finish but my determination wouldn't let me stop. I finished in 24:36!!!

So not only did I finish 7:34 minutes faster than the year before I was also 50 pounds lighter!!! In one year I have accomplished so much, the numbers and the smile on my face prove it!!

Zoo Run Run

I could suffice to say after doing the hog jog I thought to myself I could really get into this running thing. I searched around my local area for more races and found a 5k for the little zoo at our local park. I had heard about the Zoo Run Run before and decided it would be a fun thing to do and I really had no excuse not to do it since it was a local race.

To get into training for the 5K I had heard so much about the couch to 5K program I decided to give it a whirl. It started out with a 60 second run 90 second recovery time with 8 sets. Gradually the running time increases and the recovery time decreases until week 9 when you are suppose to be able to run for 30 minutes strait. Obviously with the next race in a month I didn't have time to get through 9 weeks of training so I just kept going with the plan and do the race as well as I could.

Race day came, a warm July Indiana morning. Thankfully the humidity wasn't too bad. This only being my second race I still wasn't sure what to expect. I had picked up my race packet and number the day before so just showed up with my number and timing chip securely tied to my shoe. :) There was the people running around the park warming up, to which I still thought were crazy for running before the race even started! There were a lot more people at this race. I noticed this dad with his 2 kids and he was showing them how to stretch and giving them advice about the race. I was still surprised about the variety of people there. It wasn't all the stereotypical runners. There were kids, teenagers, senior citizens, moms and dad, there was no bias toward one people, were were all there for a common goal, run a race and have fun.

I was doing this race by myself and doing it for the first time didn't help my pre-race jitters. Those feelings were soon behind me as the starting gun went off and the mass of people in front of me started running forward. As we headed through the park I felt like everyone in the race was passing me. It can feel kind of discouraging when you are doing this race and are still being passed by people. But after a quick glance back it was a comfort to me to see quite a few people still behind me.

I had mapped out 3.1 miles before on map my run and had done it before around my apartment so I though I was good to go. This race though started in the park, through the surrounding neighborhood, around the outside of the park and ended back inside the park at the zoo. There were a few times when the race intersected itself so it was weird to cross paths, literally, with the leaders of the race.

I had pushed myself really hard at the beginning of the race to try and keep up with the runners instead of keeping with my own, run/walk pace. Toward the end of the race I was pretty spent and was walking more than running. There was a lady and I who kept playing cat and mouse the whole race. I would get ahead of her then she would pass me, then I would pass her and so on. So when the course started us back into the park I knew it was the last leg and I wanted to finish before this lady.

When I saw the finish line ahead of me I began to run. My legs did not want to move but I was bound and determined to finish the race running! As I approached the finish there were people lined on either side of the finish cheering and the big "FINISH" banner with the time clock right next to it. I pushed what seemed to be my last ounce of will power and ran under the finish banner. Once I finished though I forgot about how hard the race was, it is like the finish line is the reward and the pain up to that point was worth it because no matter if your first or last, you are always a winner, because you finished!!

Oh and I did beat the lady! :)

I did it!!

So this is another out of sequence blog post. In as much as I like to do things chronologically this just can't wait until I get around to writing about current events!! Saturday May 8, 2010, I finished my first half marathon!!


I participated in the Indy Festival 500 Mini Marathon. I was among 35,000 participants running 13.1 miles around Indianapolis and the Indy 500 race track! Looking back through this blog from where I started, I could never have imagined last year at this same time that I could finish a half marathon!!

Because of so many participants in the half marathon as well as a 5K, we were only able to register the Thursday and Friday before the race. Luckily, another friend from my church and her daughter were doing the race too so I bummed a ride from them to registration and the race.

Thursday afternoon Vicki and I headed down to Indy to pick up our race packets and peruse the expo. When we got to the convention center we were directed to the back of the room to the packet pick up area. The magnitude of it hit me when I saw the entire back of the room with booths lined up and mounds of shirts behind them. After we picked up our race numbers we walked and looked at all the booths.

Friday was a rest day. I had nothing planned and didn't want to change it! After all the next day I was going to be running 13.1 miles. At 5 I went over to Vicki's house and loaded up on carbs with spaghetti, Alfredo and bread! Then I went went home and went to bed.



4am Saturday morning my alarm went off! I got up ate my breakfast, oatmeal and coffee protein shake. Gathered my ipod, water, gum, chapstick, and gu and waited for my ride!

A you can imagine with so many participants traffic was crazy. Thankfully Vicki's husband drove us down so we didn't have to worry about parking!! Because of so many participants we were broken up into corrals according to our estimated finish time. I was in corral "v" and Vicki was in "z" so we parted ways and went to our respective corrals.

It was such a cold morning. Temperatures were in the low 50s so I was thankful I brought my jacket. One lady who was in my corral was wearing shorts and a tank top! Needless to say she was very cold! As we waited for the race to start they had music playing and beach balls surfing through the crowd. Soon though the national anthem was sung and the race started!!

My corral was about 3 city blocks away from the start line so it took a good 10 minutes for us to finally walk to the start line and begin our journey. As I crossed the start line I said to myself "there is no turning back now!". Once I crossed the start line there was no quitting until my feet pass the finish line!

I have not built enough strength to continuously run long distances but I do a combination run walk. So I started out my pace with a 4 minute run and 1 minute walk. It was a comfortable pace and was feeling pretty good. Along the sides of the road were set up different entertainment, mostly bands but there were also square dancers, tap dancers, and cheerleaders. That really helped along the run, especially since I am use to running out in the country it was neat to see so much stuff! Before I knew it I had hit the 5K mark. I had never run a race any longer than 5K so once I passed the marker I was embarking on new race territory! :)




About mile 5 nature started knocking and I had to stop at one of the conveniently located porta pottys. Bad thing though, about 15 other people had the same idea. So I ended up waiting in line. I struck up a conversation with the people in line, one girl was even from a city right next to where I live! Another lady was not sure if she was going to make it to the end, she had a 5 month old baby she was nursing and was pretty uncomfortable, bless her heart! Quickly though the line moved and I was back on the road again.

I had a hard time getting back into my pace. I ended up doing about a 3 minute runs and minute to 2 minute walks. Soon we entered the Indy 500 race track. I was so excited to be able to run around the track. Even though the track is 2 1/2 miles around it seemed like forever to get around the darn thing! I tried running but my hips were hurting, maybe to do with the angle or something. By the time we made it around the track I was glad I was over half way finished.

Heading into mile 8 I began feeling my usual, "I don't think I can finish this". I had just pretty much walked the last 3 miles and was feeling kinda crappy. Then I remembered I had put some gu in my pack. So I ate a gu and started feeling better. I knew I had lost time taking a potty break and walking the track so I changed my pace to 5 minute run, 1 minute walk. I had trained at home for shorter distances at the 5/1 ratio so I knew I could do it and hopefully gain ground.

I had brought my cell phone with me and was updating my facebook status and taking pictures along the way. It was such a motivator to me, especially when I was tired and hurting a bit to read all my friends comments of encouragement. One of my friends even wrote "left right left right" which cracked me up! It was so amazing to me that I had so many people rooting for me to do my best and it motivated me! I had their words in my hand and I knew I could finish this race!



The last 4 miles flew by once I got into my pace and before I knew it I was one mile away from the finish! I decided I was going to run the last mile! I was feeling on top of the world, I had never gone this far, even in my training and I was going to finish! The marked each quarter mile of the last mile. As I approached the 1/4 mile left mark my legs were screaming at me but I wanted to finish strong and finish running. I dug down and kept my eyes on the finish, there was nothing in between me and the finish line.

There is something special about the finish line. No matter how much pain or tiredness you felt up to the very second before you cross the finish line, once you cross that line it all goes away! The moment I crossed the finish line at 3:23:08, I felt on top of the world. I WON!! Another special thing about races too is, no matter if your the first to cross the finish line or the last everyone who crosses it is the winner.

For me crossing the finish line was a symbol of everything I have accomplished this past year. A year ago I was doing the 2 mile hog jog and could have never imagined pulling of 13.1 miles, in one day!! Two years ago I never had a thought in my head that I would be running. But here I was May 8, 2010 completing 13.1 miles! All I can say is, The Best is Yet to Come!!

what did I get myself into!

I had no idea what to expect with my first session with my personal trainer. After all the only thing I knew about exercise and personal trainers was gym class in school, Biggest Loser and exercise DVD's! And I sure as heck was not wanting a 'Jillian Michaels' type trainer yelling at me... not sure if I even wanted a Bob Harper type either :)

I started out warming up on the treadmill then after about 10 minutes the workout started. I was already sweating. She had me do a variety of body weight exercises, lunges, calf raises, push-ups on an elevated surface. And my first session I learned the joys of mountain climbers, let me explain. I had my hands on a plyo box which was about 20 inches high and my feet were behind my almost in a push up position. Then as fast as I could I had to jump one foot at a time back and forth in a running motion. That was so hard to do I felt like I just might die after about 2 seconds of jumping my feet back and forth :) Then I did step ups on the plyo box. Seriously who'd a thought that stepping up and down on a box would be so tiring but my legs were pretty much dead by the end of the session. She had me do a few more push ups and ab stuff and then my session was over.

My first session workout was tough but it was good. I felt like I could actually get into it. She didn't have me do anything I absolutely thought I couldn't do and yet I was tested to do more than I though I could. I could actually see myself getting used to it and maybe enjoying working out... until later the next day!!

When I got up the next morning I was a little sore but felt good. I thought, since I was working out before it gave me an edge that I wasn't going to be as sore. As the day progressed however, it became increasingly harder to get my body to voluntarily move. By the end of the day just closing my eyelids hurt :) Literally every muscle in my body hurt, from my toes to my nose, nothing moved without some twinge of pain radiating through my body. And I seriously thought what did I get myself into!

I knew though that this pain meant that I was working muscles that hadn't been worked in a long time. And that if I stuck with it, it would start getting easier and not get so sore afterward. Besides, I had paid for a whole month of workouts with the personal trainer so I had to stick with it at least a month :)

Can I really do this?

I am always looking for new podcasts and one day I came across one podcast called The strength coach podcast. This is a few guys giving advice to other strength coaches and personal trainers about how to improve different screening techniques and so forth for mainly athletes. Honesty I had no idea what almost all the stuff these guys were talking about, I mean, who the heck has ever heard of a turkish get-up or a movement screen?! Not me! Even though I barely understood their lingo I continued to listen and get inspired.

I started becoming interested in looking for a personal trainer but from what I heard it is expensive to get a personal trainer. I looked at the different gyms in town. Not that there were a plethora to look at, I can count the gyms in town on both hands!! Gyms however, scared me. Just like races, my mental image of a gym was skinny people looking judgmentally at the fat people trying to workout and meat heads hogging the mirror in the weight room. The more I thought about it the more I really wanted to look into a personal trainer. So I googled personal trainers in my local area.

The first site that came up was this total meat head guy who used to do body building and had a totally gross picture of him all muscled out and unnaturally shiny. Definitely a NO. The next site I went to though was a nice looking site. It was a girl who worked mainly with women and she actually had her rates posted on her website. So I sent a e-mail though the website asking about the gym and what kind of training she does.

Surprisingly, I received a e-mail the next day answering my questions and inviting me for a free assessment. So I though, I could go for the free assessment and first session and if I am not comfortable or don't like it I will just not commit to it or only do it for a little bit then quit. The thing I liked the most was she worked out of a personal training studio so the only people who were in there were either being trained or were the trainer. She also gave you an eating plan to help get a healthy diet established. So I decided to jump in.

I was so scared I could not continue on the journey I had started without further motivation. Sure I had signed up for 5K in July, but you always hear stories of people losing 30, 40 or even 50 pounds then falling off the wagon and gaining all the weight back plus some. I don't want to be one of those people. I did not want to be the 'typical' American who can only stick with something until it becomes an inconvenience and then it goes out the window. So maybe if it was a good deal I could get a personal trainer and I could really do it and finally not be the fat girl.

The day of my assessment I was so freaked out. Here I was, this fat girl, going to a personal trainer, whom I have never met, not knowing what or who I was going to find. I get to the studio and a petite, toned girl greeted me and introduced herself as Amanda, the trainer. She appeared to be a few years older than me so that was a little more reassuring to me, I don't really know why though :). So she took me to this small office area and we started the assessment.

She sat me down and started asking me questions, why I was there, what I was looking for, what kind of goals I had. Seriously?!?! I had no idea any of the answers, I just don't want to be fat and she wants specific goals! Oh boy, what did it get myself into! I finally gave her some goals I wanted... I want to be able to fit into clothes not purchased in the plus size section of the store. I want to be able to run a mile without stopping to walk. Then we moved on to weight and measurements, the part I was so dreading. Here I was already insecure about my size and you have to go and really tell me how fat I am, Great!! I don't remember all my measurements but my starting weight, with all my clothes and shoes on was 300 pounds. She then sat me back down and went over a strategy on how she can help me and I was so in! Partly because I felt bad about how big I was and because she had a plan to help me. So I wrote the check and signed up for my first month of training... my first session was going to be on June 30, 2009.

Hog Jog

So the butt crack of dawn I woke up on June 20, 2009 to go do something I have never done, participate in a race. I signed up fulling intending on having some of my co-workers join me but situations came up and I was going to do it on my own. It was so tempting to not go or just go, pick up my t-shirt and leave. Despite me apprehensions I got into my car and drove to the race.

When I got to the park where the race was to happen there were a lot more people than I expected! This is just a small town in Indiana but I guess the Hog Jog is a pretty well known race in our area. And of course the first few people I saw where the skinny runners with the tights and tank tops running around the park. I thought to myself "DUDE these people are crazy, the race hasn't even started! Why the heck are these people running already?!" I started getting more and more nervous as I got in line for registration.

There were so many people it seemed. I felt strange, mainly out of my own insecurities and my judgment of myself for being the "fat girl" at a race. After I picked up my totally awesome pink hog jog shirt, race chip, and number I walked back to my car to put all the race material in my car and to put the chip on my shoe. In the back of my head I kept thinking of ways I could not do the race. But I went there to accomplish something and I was going to do it. No matter how scared or awkward I felt I needed to do this race.

As I walked back to the park I wandered around looking at the different people. I began to notice not everyone was my stereotypical image of a runner. There were all different ages and sizes. Some people were decked out in the running gear and I saw some people wearing jeans! But most people were just normal looking, t-shirt and shorts. I saw this older couple about my parents age, mid to later 50's standing around waiting for the race to start. I struck up a conversation with the lady (for the life of me I wish I could remember her name but it seems to escape me) and I told her it was my first race. She had done a few races but she was a walk/jogger and not a runner. Since I had built my "running" up to about a minute I figured I was in the same walk/jog category.

The announcement was made to start heading up to the starting line. I decided to stand go where the lady I was talking to went. She said she found the best place for her was in the back of the running group, on the outside, just before the walking group. As we stood there waiting to start they began making the "thanks for coming" speech and before I knew it the gun went off and we were off.

I ran to try and keep up with my new friend but quickly found myself out of breath and slowed down to walk. I continued my jog/walk routine throughout the race. This was a crazy experience! I ended up passing a small group of people who where pushing an elderly lady in a wheelchair. Then I was passed by "lamaze" breathing speed walkers :). There were kids running, people walking with strollers, teenagers in jeans, and grandparents. As we came through the town there were people sitting on their front porch and out on the lawn in chairs cheering for the participants and talking to the people they knew in the race. This was not my expectation of a race, this is so much better! We went through town and the police and volunteers cheered for you and gave a friendly smile and wave as you passed by. Before I knew it the race was almost finished.

As I rounded the last corner I could see ahead the finish line. It was a welcome sight, I was so excited and exhausted to finally see the finish. Even though it was 2 mile race it seemed to be a lot longer! Mainly because I didn't really train for ground running only running on the treadmill :). As I approached the finish line my new friend was standing on the side waiting for her husband. She cheered for me and encouraged me to run to the finish. I felt a final serge of energy and I ran to the finish line, 32 minutes!

I did it, this "fat girl" just completed a race!! I wasn't the first, and I wasn't the last!! But crossing that finish line with people cheering me on, I felt like a winner! My new friend took the picture below soon after I finished and I was so excited that you can see people still finishing behind me, showing I wasn't the last one!! I was on top of the world! I had accomplished something I never imagined I could do and I felt great, sweaty, but great! I think for the first time I experience the "runners high" and it was amazing!! I couldn't wait to find another race!

Motivation... how do I get it?!

After my 30 pound mile stone I did some reflection. When I started my weight loss it was just that, weight loss. I began to realize however that there needed to be something more to motivate me than "I don't want to be fat anymore".

I have had a weight problem from about elementary school forward (maybe I will go into further background in a later blog post). I have said for as many years as I have been the 'big girl', "I don't want to be fat anymore" but never did anything about it. What about this time is going to make it stick. Now that I was under 300 pounds I was getting comfortable again. My clothes weren't so tight anymore and I felt a lot better. Sure I was still fat, but I have always been the fat girl so I felt more comfortable in that role.

One of my team members a work started a March of Dimes group and most of my other team members joined in, as did I. It was exciting to be able to raise money for a good cause and at the end we all would be walking a 4 mile walk. So on April 24th 2009 I walked 4 miles. I ended up with some blisters on my feet from wearing crappy shoes but I walked away with a sense of accomplishment. 4 miles, even done slow, was still 4 more miles that I would have never done 7 months ago. This planted a seed to do more.

Many of my podcasts I listened to talked about running different races. I had no idea what the heck a 5K was and figured it was 5 miles. What a relief it was when I discovered that a 5K was only 3.1 miles! On the call in podcast I listened to with Jonathan Roche there were women calling in who had completed different 5K's and other races and athletic events, they would go on and on about how wonderful of an experience it was.... Wait?! running in a race... can be fun??

In the back of my head I kept thinking of the 1 mile run we had to do in gym class like once a month. I always felt like a loser, I don't ever think I passed the mile under 15 minute rule. There would be kids finishing the mile by the time I finished 1 of the 3 laps needed to complete the mile. If I couldn't finish the mile under 15 minutes how could I finish 3.1 miles with competitive runners! Cause aren't all people who run in races super skinny, with legs a mile long and those super short shorts on?!

Despite all my apprehension about runners and races I decided to plant my flag in the ground. I signed up for a 2 mile race, in a town 30 miles away, called the Hog Jog. I figured it would help keep me stay motivated to train for the race, it was not in my own city, which somehow made me more comfortable with it :) and I just wanted the t-shirt that said "hog jog" on it!

Reward Yourself.

I heard time and time again on many of my podcast I listened to that in order to keep motivated you can set rewards for yourself once you meet a goal. I though of many ideas. Ice cream, pizza, new shoes, new outfit, tattoo :). I marked off the food rewards, even though I still wasn't eating the greatest I knew rewarding myself with food for losing a certain amount of weight was not the brightest idea. I thought about new shoes but they can be expensive and I already have a lot of shoes. A tattoo, kept going back and forth on it but decided to leave that reward for reaching a bigger goal. A new outfit, was a good idea but I was still thinking of other ideas. Finally dawned on me, I had been talking for a few weeks about needing my hair cut! I had my reward! Once I reached 30 pounds lost and under 300 pounds I was going to the salon and get my hair cut and colored!

During the Thanksgiving and Christmas I had gained 5 pounds. Although it bummed me I knew I needed to get back on track. Starting the intervals really jump started things and I was heading in the right direction again. I kept hitting little distractions along the way, birthdays, my sister's wedding. Finally it was heading toward the end of March and I hadn't met my goal! I had been working for 6 months and hadn't lost 30 pounds yet?! So I had to sit myself down and have a discussion with myself.

I am not a morning exerciser. When I wake up in the morning I need a shower and still don't wake up until about an hour after I get to work. I tried a few times and got up to workout but my body and mind didn't coordinate well and I felt like a bumbling fool trying to do my biggest loser videos in my living room at 6am. So I workout after work in the evenings. I made it a rule that I can't sit down, turn on the TV or computer until after I workout. I started to try and drink only water and not pop or even my beloved sweet tea from Chick-fil-a. I tried to put more random acts of fitness in my day, walking during my 15 minute breaks, parking in the parking spot furthest from the door, I even walked to the Target which is around the corner from my work for lunch.

March 31, 2009, was weigh in day. I was 302 pounds. I was hoping for at least a 2 pound loss just so I could be at 300. Lately though my weigh in number had only been half a pound here, then no weight loss, then one pound then no weight loss. So I wasn't sure what was going to happen. When I stepped on the scale it read 299! So I stepped off and back on again, 299. I moved the scale and stepped on again 299!! I had lost 30 pounds!! Yippee!!! :) I was so excited I went back to my desk and made my hair appointment that day to get my hair cut!

I finally felt I was making progress. My size 24 jeans which were super tight when I started were beginning to get baggy. I had ran for the first time on the treadmill and was working hard at increasing my stamina to run longer. And finally I had reached a milestone... 30 pounds lost and under 300 pounds!!

I can do that?!

I received my No Excuses system with the heart rate monitor just before Christmas but like most people, I wanted to start fresh January 1. Let me just say that was an incredibly stupid move on my part... not because I waited till then but because everyone else waits till then! In my small apartment workout room for the first month there was always someone on the machines. As a fat girl I was always self-conscious of what everyone thought of me so I wouldn't go to the gym if there were people in there. So pretty much for the month of January I did my workouts on my elliptical at home.

I started off kind of easy but I soon discovered if you do it correctly it is some hard work. With the heart rate monitor I would push it hard for 3 minutes to get my heart rate up to the designated heart rate zone then back off for 1 minute to let my heart rate go down. I would be ok for the first couple of intervals but as the intervals increased so did my heart rate goal!

Interval training with a heart rate monitor is a whole big equation of 220 subtract your age and blah blah blah, lucky for me the online website that I gained access to with the system figures it out for me and then scales the numbers up or down as to how 'dead' I feel after my workout. So I would start out with getting my heart rate up to 157 and by my 8th interval I was pushing to get it up to 172!

After a month or so I finally worked up the nerves to do my intervals on the treadmill. I was nervous because there was a sticker on the treadmill that blatantly stated up to 300 pound weight limit, and I weighed over that still. I got on it anyways! The intervals were different than the elliptical because I didn't have the resistance I only increased the speed. And at that point I had no idea that increasing the incline on the treadmill was basically adding resistance :). So I switched back and forth from a walk to speed walk until the last interval. I decided that I was going to increase the speed one more MPH for my last interval.

As I hit the 4 MPH on the treadmill and the belt slowly went faster I couldn't keep my walking pace and I started jogging! What?!?! I can run?!?! Then about 20 seconds into it I had to change the speed back down but I didn't care... I ran! This fat girl got her tushy moving fast enough to run!! You could have handed me $100 right there on the spot but I wouldn't of cared because I just ran! I felt more accomplishment in the 20 seconds of that workout than I did in the previous 35 or so minutes. From that point I decided I wanted to make it my goal to try and run an entire 3 minute interval without stopping. I don't know if you can get a runners high from just 20 seconds but I had a euphoric feeling that put me on top of the world... and I wanted to keep going!!

I'm diving in

So this post is out of chronological order from the events previously blogged about but I can't wait to write about my new adventure. I have decided to peruse a path in personal training! I received my study material for ACSM (American College of Sports Medicine) personal training yesterday via FedEx and I am so stinkin excited!! I don't plan on making personal training a full time job until I 'physically' look more like a personal trainer. I am going to pump my brain full of knowledge and hopefully I will be able to get training experience before officially becoming a personal trainer.

Although today at work I received some unsettling news about the uncertainty of my job security. Heck if I lose my job I could just pull my own biggest loser and workout for 8 hours a day, get super skinny and become a personal trainer by Christmas! Sounds good to me... who knows what will happen but all I can say is I am scared, excited, overwhelmed and anticipatory about the future... whatever it may be!

There's a podcast for that!

I work in an office and spend a large majority of my day sitting in front of the computer. I learned that listening to music and podcasts during work helped move the day faster. Almost all of the podcasts I listened to was food or religious related. It dawned on me one day to search for health and fitness related podcasts. I was so excited to see the plethora of fitness related podcasts. I am a nerd when it comes to learning new things and podcasts were just what I needed. My friends and co-workers can attest to my quest for learning and my willingness to share my new found knowledge :)

With the holidays, It would have been easy just to step off the wagon. When I found fitness podcasts it was just the catalyst I needed to keep motivated. There was such a variety of information that all had the common denominator, to inform people of trends, healthy living, and fitness.

Many of the podcasts during the holidays offered holiday survival tips to help you stay on your health quest. A lot of them focused on portion control and better food decisions. I always though I ate pretty healthy, my parents were nurses and my dad a diabetic, so the dinners my mom cooked were balanced and healthy for the most part. However, my big issue was portion control. So in my mind, I still felt I could eat whatever I wanted just as long as the portions where of reasonable size. As the holidays came, along with my mommy's delicious home cooking my weight loss slowed down, and since I did not want to change my food I just put that to the middle of my mind and kept working out in the front.

I had increased my workout time to almost 30 minutes but did not keep a consistent schedule. I knew I needed to do something different. I had bought a few biggest loser fitness DVDs which were nice but I still felt like I needed something else. I needed something to keep me more accountable than just a weekly weigh in.

One of the podcasts I listened to, "No excuses weight loss with Jonathan Roche" was an internet radio show where the host, Jonathan Roche, answered peoples questions about fitness and weight loss. As well as the show, there was an online forum and he had a fitness system. I loved the forum and online community and began to form relationships with the women who regularly posted. Jonathan promoted the benefits of interval training and the research showing that intervals burn 30% more fat. Finally, just before Christmas, I bought his system that included a heart rate monitor and online software to track all my workouts and weight. I hoped this was what I needed to improve my fitness and weight loss.

Then came exercise

I, like most people, had purchased a piece of exercise equipment years back fully intending to workout hardcore every day and lose 100 pounds in a month! You know because, that is how we all want to lose weight. So I got on my little elliptical machine and started away! 30 seconds later I was huffing and puffing already breaking a sweat! By the time 5 minutes had passed I felt like I was done. By 10 minutes I could have sworn I was dying! My chubby legs would not take another step, my t-shirt was pretty much saturated and I was hungry :). I had no idea I was so out of shape. I mean seriously?!?! 10 minutes! But I still had the fresh, go get em attitude... until the next day.

Every single muscle in my body hurt. My elliptical had the moving arms as well as peddles so it wasn't too much of a surprise when my arms were hurting as well as my legs but don't ask me how my hair follicles hurt! It was kind of pathetic, I even had to use the handicap stall at work because I needed the handles to hang on to so I could sit down and stand up! A simple sneeze would radiate through every single sore muscle causing a jolt of pain from my nose to my toes.

I was faithful to workout for the first week, and then the Tuesday weigh in came. I lost a whopping 1 pound! Yahoo, NOT! I killed myself like 3 times that week 10 minutes each time and only 1 pound!?! But I knew I couldn't stop yet, we had weigh in every Tuesday in my supervisors office. It was enough accountability to keep me going.

My roommate was a great help to keep me accountable too. She was a cheerleader in high school and was in good shape. Our apartment complex had a small workout room with a couple of treadmills, elliptical and exercise bikes. Every time she would go workout she would ask me if I wanted to join her. So I would tag along, while she ran on the treadmill, I sweated my butt off for 10 to 15 minutes on the recumbent bike then do some "stretching" until she finished. I wanted to be able to run on the treadmill just like her. I have always been fascinated with runners especially the ones with mile long legs who never seem to touch the ground. Even as a fat kid I would dream of being a skinny person running down the street. But I knew, I could barely ride a bike or use the elliptical I could never be a runner.

So I continued to workout, when ever it was convenient and eat whatever I wanted. After all I was working out so I could still eat my beloved Chick-fil-a, chicken egg and cheese bagel with hash browns and a large sweet tea every morning. Not to mention the assortment of chain fast food restaurants for lunch all of which were so conveniently located just down the road from my work. So conclusively I deducted, my working out would burn calories so with all my hard work I could reward myself with a pizza or taco or fried chicken, Right?

The Beginning

My journey began June 6, 2008; unbeknown to me. The day began with me tying up loose ends before heading on the road to Pittsburgh, PA to live with my fiance. It ended with me, still in Indiana, crying in my parents arms after he broke it off with me. It wasn't until October 2008 I decided I had to chose to begin living my life again.

My office decided to do a biggest loser challenge and I was quick to jump on board... my starting weight 329 pounds. I didn't want to lose weight by trying pills or potions because I know they don't work. I didn't want to start some fad diet or even change my eating because frankly, I love food. So I started exercising.